Where've you been?

Hi folks, it's been a long time since I posted here. I've been working furiously on a project--a novel--and I am happy to report that it is now finished, accepted for publication and in production. Last August I found out from my editor that my book was NOT acceptable and I was given four months to get it in shape, write another book or say adios to my dream of writing. My editor said, "You're a great writer, and I hope you find your voice. Sometimes people do." Wow, talk about a double-edged sword. Sometimes people do? I spent a morning at a beautiful and very cold lake, swimming, turning blue, and thinking and finally took my own advice and called upon my inner angels for help. Writing fiction requires several different skills, so I called on several different angels for help. One was my beautiful poet angel, Sebastian, who lives by a stream. He has dark ringlets and wears, what else? a poet shirt. He's always there, dreaming and encouraging me to dream as well; together we created a wonderful world for my characters to play in. Then, of course, there is the part of writing that is what I call the "accountant". Everything has to make sense, at least in the context of the world you created, and so I called on Dexter, my angel with sleeve protectors, a visor, rimless glasses and muttonchop sideburns. Dexter runs a tight ship and keeps me on course. Between the three of us, the novel was finished by deadline and after a few revisions from my editor, it's ready to go. This is clearly proof that you can't do it alone! Thank you, guys, and I'll be calling on you soon enough. For now, though, I need to call on my marketing angel to get this other book over!

More from the Mailbag...

Dear Skylar,

I am fifty-five years old and I recently lost my job. I am what used to be called a spinster: no husband, no children. I own my own house which is paid for. My parents are old and while I don't need to care for them full-time, I often help out by running errands for them or doing household chores that are too much for them. I would like to propose to them that I take over all their chores including book-keeping for a fee that would be enough to support me. I think this would be advantageous to both of us (it would free them up to travel, which they love to do) but I am scared of broaching it with them for fear that they will think I am lazy and don't want to work. The truth is I'm not sure who would hire me (I'm an executive assistant) at my age. How should I approach them?

Linda in Milwaukee

Dear Linda,

This sounds like something you've dreamed up in the middle of the night when you were worrying about where that next can of beans was going to come from. While I totally agree that on paper this sounds like a great arrangement, the reality may be far different from anything either party imagined. Both you and your parents are used to having separate lives with, I'm pretty sure, no confidences shared about finances and personal lives. If you entered their life this way, that would change along with your relationship to them. Having said that, it is possible that the arrangement could work and it is possible that they are thinking the same thing. So what you need to do is get clarity on the situation; ask them if this is something they would welcome (without saying it's you who wants to do the work) and ask yourself if you want to pursue this instead of making another go of it in the wide world. Fifty-five is pretty young to renounce the world. I am sending you the angel Dexter who looks like an accountant and thinks bottom line. Dexter will help you sort out the situation in your own mind until you are able to differentiate the debit from the credit columns.

Namaste!

Skylar

From the Mailbag

The extended family is a source of joy and strife in everyone's life. Here's a letter from Jenny(name changed) who has just spent the better part of the Christmas holidays trying to be a tube of glue to keep her family together:

Dear Skylar,

The holidays, which are supposed to be a happy reunion for families have turned into a nightmare in mine. I am a 47 year old woman with a son who is about to be married, a married brother who is on his second transplanted kidney and on lots of medication to keep the transplant stable and his wife who can't seem to get enough attention. I also have a sister who is remarried to a man who lacks the gift of tact. My father died two years ago and I am now living with my mother. My sister-in-law can't but out of my son's wedding arrangements and when I confronted her and my brother, he screamed at me (I blame the drugs) and banished me. When my mother tried to intervene, he cut her off--basically breaking her heart. My remarried sister has already said she wants nothing to do with family gatherings because she feels judged by the "good Christians" there. Bottom line: I don't feel like I have a family anymore. How can I find peace and how can I help my mother? How can I let go of the resentment I feel for my sister-in-law and enjoy my son's wedding?

Jenny

Dear Jenny:

Take a deep breath. You are not alone. The holidays--with everyone's expectations of a good Christmas colliding--bring stress and disappointments along with the merriment. But it sounds like you have a bigger problem here and that problem is adult married children with their own families acting like they are still children and part of their birth families. They are not. When you left your parents' home you started your own family and that is the family that you must seek to preserve.

The only problem that you can address and change is your butting-in sister-in-law. Doesn't every family have one of these? The truth is: you can't change her, you can only change your reaction to her. You can stop putting yourself in her company (it sounds like your remarried sister did just that to her credit). But to stop the erosion of your own soul that resentment brings, you must close your eyes and wish her well. I am sending you at top speed the angel Maude who will swim with you in the pool of tranquility and who is--am I not right?--already soothing your thoughts. Your sister-in-law is to be pitied. She obviously has frustrations in her own life which she is trying to avoid by connecting with your life. Wish and pray that she finds some meaning in her own life and her own connections and leaves you to yours. You and your son must have something pretty special that she wants to intrude on and what is happier than a wedding? Give her a meaningful assignment in the wedding preparations and treat her like the lost soul that she is.

Namaste!

Skylar